


Nothing Left to Lose

by theIronStark3000



Series: Obi-Wan Kenobi Has Cancer [8]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, CC-2224 | Cody Needs a Hug, Cancer, M/M, Major Illness, Sick Obi-Wan Kenobi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:29:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27232780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theIronStark3000/pseuds/theIronStark3000
Summary: Obi-Wan's most recent scans reveal that things are not getting better. Cody and Obi-Wan have a serious talk.
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Series: Obi-Wan Kenobi Has Cancer [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1890157
Comments: 10
Kudos: 85





	1. Chapter 1

Once a month the 212th, 104th, and 501st returned to Coruscant for two weeks of leave. During this time, Obi-Wan Kenobi recived his regularly check ins with his oncology team. There would be several sessions of outpatient radiation, and laying low in his temple quarters. Kenobi thanked the universe that Ahsoka was busy catching up on her studies in the Temple, while Anakin made time of his leave with Padme.

It was a rare occasion when Cody had been able to go with him. It was still new for Cody to get to be the worried boyfriend for a change. Here they are not Jedi High General and Commander of the 212th. No, they are just Ben and Kote, they don't look out of place on the cancer ward in their civilian clothes. The republic isn't even aware that Obi-Wan is ill, they've worked hard to keep it under wraps per Kenobi's request. 

Cody waited anxiously bouncing his knee up and down. He didn't like being still. He felt useless, nothing he could fix or help with. He sat with Obi-wan through the first half of the work up. Just as he suspected, Obi-Wan was down thirty-five pounds in three and half months. His boyfriend had never been a large person to begin with. He held his hand through needle pricks, and blood draws which Obi-Wan tolerated. 

Obi-Wan kissed him before he laid back on the hospital bed in his hospital gown and beanie. Kenobi and his oncology team decided a sedative would be best given his medical anxiety. There was no way Obi-Wan would tolerate the tight space of the Pet Scan and be still. Cody had folded his clothes, held his hand and walked him as far as he could in radiology. While Obi-Wan was still sedated, they would go ahead and finish several procedures. 

His teeth had been sensitive, and given him some discomfort. The dentist could complete Obi-Wan's cleaning, check-up and repairs while he was under. The oncologist team had agreed to trial an intrathecal pain pump to see if he could have any pain relief. They were able to try to give the best medical care possible without worrying about causing him unnecessary upset or pain. 

Cody tried to keep himself busy, he knew it would be at least four before he get to see his boyfriend. He went back over his hand written notes, and the pamphlets the oncologist gave them. His hands shook reading titles like: Chronic Pain Management, Palliative Care, Family Support Group, Dying Well. He quickly shoved them into the orange folder they took everywhere. 

The bright lights of the hospital, the smell of antiseptic, and rush of people moving about makes Cody nauseated. He wants to jump out of his skin, take Obi-Wan and run far far away from here. It isn't lost on the Commander how comfortable Obi-Wan is here. The way he interacts with nurses and other patients, he knows _people_ here. In someway, Obi-Wan is more comfortable in the cancer ward than on the _Negotiator_.

He worried Obi-Wan's sweater in his hand waiting for someone to give him an update. It's nearly an hour before a nurse takes pity on him.

The nurse with the sympathetic smile offers him a snack, and sits with him. They don’t talk at first. Cody is reminded to take some deep breaths until he doesn’t look like he will either throw up or bolt out of his skin.   
  


“You must be Ben’s spouse.”, the Rodian nurse smiled.   
  


Cody doesn’t correct them.   
  


“Ah. You’re Ben’s favorite nurse.”, Cody recognized the name on tha badge.   
  


  
“I’m Exik.”

”I’m sorry for taking up your time.”, Cody pinches his nose. He can feel the headache building.   
  


“It’s my turn to staff the waiting room today.”

”Oh.”

”How about you go for a walk, clear your head? I think you’ll feel better.

”Oh, what if they come by with an update?”

”You’ve got your pager. We’ll make sure Dr. Frost doesn’t miss you.”   
  


“Oh right. Sorry, I’m so new at this.”

”You’re doing a great job, Kote.”, Exik reassured squeezing his shoulder.   
  


“It doesn’t feel like.”

”Ben talks about non-stop about you. You make him happy and feel loved. That’s everything.”

”Oh. Thank you, Exik.”

”It’s my pleasure, Kote. If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

  
Cody quietly puts Obi-Wan’s sweater into the day bag they brought. He swallows thickly, and goes for a walk. Exik was right, getting rid of his nervous energy did help. And he came in time for the first update of the morning.   
  


Maybe the hospital wasn’t as bad as Cody thought it would be. He eats a hot meal for lunch, and Exik even brought him a cup of coffee.   
  


Obi-Wan had several damaged teeth the dentist was able to repair and deep clean. His pain pump had been placed, and seemed to be working well. His scans would be available to discuss later this week.   
  


Exik led Cody back to Obi-Wan’s room. He was resting comfortably with light oxygen support. The commander couldn’t recall a time when he saw such relief on Obi-Wan’s face.   
  


Cody took a seat next to Obi-Wan’s bed. He looked small, and frail in the big hospital bed. His chest moved up and down with a little strain. He couldn’t wait to get his boyfriend back in his own pjs and tucked into bed.   
  


It was about a half an hour before Kenobi’s blue eyes opened. He took Cody’s hand in his.   
  


“Hello, _russ’ner_.” 

_“_ Obi’ika.”, Cody kissed his forehead. He closed his eyes resting his head against Obi-Wan’s bald one.

He couldn’t explain the sensational but his boyfriend’s bald head smelled sweet. Cody sniffed, taking in his scent. It brought him much comfort to feel Obi-Wan’s warmth against his. 

“Are you okay?”

  
”Today was hard for me.”, Cody said quietly.   
  


“I’m glad you came.”, Obi-Wan squeezed his hand three times, their quiet way of saying I love you is to three squeezes or taps. Cody returned the squeezes, and brushed his quiet tears away.   
  


“I should be comforting you.”

”This affects you just as much it does me.”

Cody shivered. They just stayed leaned against each other until Obi-Wan was more awake. The commander helped him change into his soft clothes and sweater.   
  


Obi-Wan never went anywhere without his scarf and beanie. He wore the beanie Waxer made him, 212th colors, well Cody’s colors in particular.   
  


They stayed in the recovery room for a few hours. Obi-Wan ate some Mac and cheese, jello and juice. The oncology team discharged him once he was wake and no longer needed oxygen  
  


Cody was thankful he insisted on the hover chair today. Obi-Wan was far too tired and sore to walk. They took a taxi back to the Temple.

Cody quietly worried as they walked back to Kenobi’s quarters. It would be a long few days until they expected to hear back from oncology.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan calls Cody My rock in Mando. We love Mando pet names.


	2. Chapter 2

There were round the clock medicines to give. Cody learned how to flush and care for Obi-Wan’s port. He was nearly as good as Kix now. He learned to be his boyfriend’s primary caregiver. 

  
Obi-Wan slept a lot more than usual, Cody noticed. He was just absolutely worn out. The nausea had returned with vengeance since they upped the chemo drugs. Though, since having the pain pump placed, Kenobi’s pain seemed more manageable. 

The commander tried to keep the apartment quiet, preparing meals and encouraging Obi-Wan to eat something. Cody tried not to worry about the increased headaches, vomiting, and sleeping. But when he reached twelve hours of daytime sleep, Cody called the oncologist. 

They didn’t even make it 72 hours before being admitted to the hospital again. Cody felt just as overwhelmed and lost as before. Thanks to Dr. Frost, they were able to advance to oncology instead of ED upon arrival.   
  


He was given a matching hospital bracket, and asked to remain in waiting room. Cody paced, he called Anakin, but it went to voice mail.   
  


The commander felt about three feet tall when the nurse brought the clipboard with standard admittance paperwork. He struggled to answer some of the questions, and remembered in his panic the orange folder with all the medical records.   
  


Cody took a shaky breath, and stood to turn the clipboard in. He accepted a cup of coffee and waited for an update. Obi-Wan had added Cody to his list of authorized next of kin.   
  


It was nearly an two and half before Cody heard anything. He paced the waiting room nervously. Dr. Frost came out of the double doors to speak with him.

“Kote Kenobi?”

Cody’s stomach did funny things hearing Kenobi at the end of his name. People just assumed they were a married couple the way they acted. One of these days it might just give him a heart ache.  
  


“That’s me.”

“Kote, I’d like us to step into the private family waiting area.”

”Oh, sure, Doc.”

They both sat down. Cody worried his hands anxiously.   
  


  
“Ben is having seizures.”, the doctor’s voice was apologetic. She squeeze Cody’s hand. 

”He’s getting worse, isn’t he?”  
  
  
“We are dealing with a highly aggressive lymphoma. It’s spread, Kote, despite our treatment plan.”

”I thought we caught it early?”

”We did. Ben has high grade, refractory NHL. This means the cancer did not respond to the treatment, and it is quickly growing.”

”What’s the initial plan?”

”He needs to have surgery. We’d like to in laparoscopically to remove his spleen, and enlarged lymph nodes under his arm pits.”

”When?”

”End of the week. We will also be switching to a more aggressive chemo and steroid treatment with targeted radiation to help with his neck tumor.” 

  
  


“Does Ben know?”

”Yes, I spoke with him.”

”Can I see him soon?”

”Once he’s out of his MRI and back in recovery I’ll page you.”  
  


Cody was thankful for the nurse who had already prepared a cot for him. He slept beside Obi-Wan. God bless the nurses who left him plenty of snacks, a bottle, extra pillows and blankets. Obi-Wan always got cold in the night. 

It was morning before Cody saw his boyfriend awake. Obi-Wan had been exhausted from being poked and prodded through the night. He ate breakfast, and went back to bed, not talking for very long. 

Cody had gotten up earlier and showered. He changed clothes, and met Anakin in the waiting room. Skywalker looked as bad as Cody felt. Ashoka was in tow. She brought Obi-Wan’s stuffed bear from home, Cody had forgot it in the shuffle.  
  


“How is he?”, Anakin asked.

”Resting comfortably.”

”What happened?”

”Obi-Wan is having seizures, Anakin.”

”That’s not good.”

”Dr. Frost is going to refer us to a neurologist. He’ll be prescribed anti-seizure med, and monitored closely.”

”We shouldn’t stay long.”

”He’s sleeping. You can sit with him for a bit.” 

Obi-Wan slept through Anakin and Ashoka’s visit. If his vitals were any indication, Cody thought the visit was still beneficial. His boyfriend always seemed to relax in the presence of his padawan and grand-padawan.

Ahsoka held her grandmaster’s hand, and stroked it lovely. Anakin offered to read to him. They treated him just as they would if he were awake.

”Hey, come back to us old man. We need you.”, Anakin whispered, kissing Obi-Wan’s forehead. 

Cody shook his head. They hadn’t told the kids the updated news yet. Obi-Wan should have time to deliberate with his medical team and arrive at a decision influenced by others wishes. 

* * *

Obi-Wan was finally awake for longer stretches after lunch. They laid in bed together, limbs tangled together. Cody stroked Obi-Wan’s back as Kenobi laid his head on the other man’s chest.   
  


“Can I ask you something?”, Cody asked.   
  


“Of course, dear one.”

”Do you want to peruse more treatment?”, Cody asked quietly. They were only three months in, and it was absolutely agony.

Cody couldn’t imagine six more months, a year of such suffering. Death might be kinder to Obi-Wan.   
  


“I’m not finished yet. I have unresolved business on Mandolore. I’d like to hold on a little longer, for Anakin, for Ashoka. She’s not far off from knighthood.”

”Okay. Know if at any point, you change your mind, I will support you.”

Obi-Wan kissed him, “Understood.”

”I love every moment I get to adore and cherish you, Ben.”

”As do I. You have been a bright spot in one of the darkest times of my life.”

Obi-Wan and Cody just held each other, feeling on another’s chest rise and fall. 

”Have I ever told you about the time I went to Mandalore with Master?”

And that’s how Cody learned of Obi-Wan’s first love, Satine Kyrze. Obi-Wan’s unresolved business is about eighteen years old now. Whether Obi-Wan meant Satine or Korkie, Cody did not know. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little fluff because the last two chapters have been rough.

The few days following Obi-Wan’s hospitalization were not easy. Telling Anakin and Ashoka had been painful. They cried and held each other close.   
  


Many sent cards, and kind words. Some Councilors dropped by or stayed in the waiting room when Obi-Wan had procedures. Cody still couldn’t believe Master Yoda himself had come by. 

Obi-Wan despite the news seemed to be doing okay. He looked more at ease since beginning his new pain management plan. The oncology team prioritized his comfort and relief of side affects.   
  
  


Cody remained at his side throughout the hospital stayed. Surgery had been minimally invasive as possible. Laparoscopic surgery greatly reduced his recovery time. It took about seven hours to resect the cancerous spots.

Cody paced the waiting room again. He decided that three times in less than a week was too many. Rex, Ashoka, and Master Yoda remained with him. 

Dr. Frost was relieved to report they not only removed the spleen and nodes, but they were able to get the entire abdomen tumor. It would be sent to the labs for analysis.

If they identified any gene markers, they might be able to target Obi-Wan’s cancer in a more specific and personalized treatment plan.   
  


Obi-Wan remained in the hospital with two incision sites needing wound care. He had about seven stitches under either arm pit and five on his abdomen. He couldn’t lift his hands over his head.   
  


But you better believe he was thrilled to be permitted to walk the halls. It was slow and painful, but Obi-Wan did it. Cody was amazed to see his spirits as high as they were.

Obi-Wan took things in strides, stubborn as can be. Thanks to the bacta patches, the incisions healed within a few days. Obi-Wan remained in the hospital to receive impatient radiation, and test his new chemo regimen. 

  
  
Radiation made Obi-Wan feel claustrophobic. He wore a face mask, and the arm of the machine rotated around him. He stayed very still for about 60 to 90 minutes.   
  


There were about two days of down time between his radiation and chemotherapy. For chemo, they continued using his external pump. The nurse taught Cody to administer the steroid and anti-body shots.

”Two shots.”,Obi-Wan pouted teasingly.

”You did so well.”

”I require two kisses as compensation.”   
  
  


“I can manage that.”

”I don’t think Kix will kiss me.”, Obi-Wan chuckled.   
  


“I do not think he will either.”

Obi-Wan smiled as Cody kissed him not once, but twice. He held their foreheads together. The commander doesn’t remember the last time Kenobi was goofy and relaxed.

His pain meds kept him comfortable, and they found the right combination of the anti-nausea meds.

”How are you feeling?”, Cody asked.

”A little sleepy, and chilly, like i have a cold.”, Obi-Wan yawned.   
  


“You’re doing so well.”

”They have me on the good stuff.”

”Is there anything I can do.”

”Cuddle.”

”What if someone from the Temple comes by?”

”Well, technically, the Council already knows about us.”

”Obi-Wan.”, Cody made a face of absolute disbelief.

”I am the Council, _sooo_ from a certain point they already know.”, Obi-Wan waved a hand dramatically. Cody knew he must be feeling better.   
  


“You are an absolute dork, Sir.”

”You love me.”

”I do.”, Cody affirmed climbing beside Obi-Wan. He held his boyfriend close, stroking his back gently.

”Hmmm. This is nice.”

”Ben, can you explain to me why the nurses think I’m Kote Kenobi?”

”We’re practically are _married_ in all but ceremony.”, Kenobi flushed. 

Cody shouted in exasperation, “Warn a guy wouldn’t you?”

”You don’t want to be Kote _Kenobi_?”, Obi-Wan pouted.

”It makes me want to ravish you.”, Cody whispered.

“Oh, my body can’t....” His voice trailed off embarrassedly. 

”There are many ways to make you feel good, sweetheart.”, Cody reminded.   
  


Cody tickled Obi-Wan, and he laughed breathlessly squirming around. Peals of delight broke from Obi-Wan’s lips. Cody reminded him there were plenty of ways to be intimate. 

  
  
“Can I tell you something?”, Obi-Wan asked once he caught his breath. 

“Anything.”

”The Council wants to send us to Mandalore when I’m well enough to travel.”

”The 212th?”

”Yes, alongside the 104th. The 501st has an assignment in the outer rim.”

”Are you going to see The _Duchess_?” Cody wasn’t sure if he shivered with desire or jealously. 

”Yes. I-I have business to discuss with her.”

”You love her don’t you?”, Cody asked. 

”I never stopped loving her.”

“Okay.”

“She deserves to hear the news from me.”

“That’s not the only reason.”, Cody deduced.

”I have a son, Cody. He should have a chance to know his father if he wishes.”

“I’m still sensing more.”, Cody affirmed. 

  
“I don’t know what I want.”

”Shh, look at me. You have the biggest heart, Ben.”

”You know, you were almost Kote Kenobi-Kryze.”

Cody shivered again, “Oh, Ben.”

”It’s complicated.”, Obi-Wan swallowed.

“Did you marry her when you were 18?”

”Legally no.”

”You don’t owe me an explanation.”

”You’re not mad?”

”Look, if two people love you, then fuck, Ben, you absolutely deserve to be loved.”

”Cody, I don’t deserve you.”

”Oh, I’m _karking_ crazy about you. So shut up, I’m not going anywhere.” 

Obi-Wan kissed Cody tenderly. For once, Kenobi thought perhaps, they could get through this. If he’s got Cody on his side, they can face whatever the universe throws at them. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Again, a little more fluff and someone takes care of our boy, Cody. Cody is the real mvp of the fic.

After a week and half in the hospital, Obi-Wan was finally released. Padme stepped up and offered their guest room. The couple graciously accepted.   
  


Obi-Wan had even stubbornly insistent on walking on his own two feet. Cody tried to suppress the urge to fuss over him. He knew how much Kenobi hated to be the center of attention.

”Can I help you with your jacket?”, Anakin asked. 

”I’m okay.”

Anakin looked at his steroid swollen face, poor guy had retrained water weight. Despite the tiredness, he looked like he felt okay. All things considered Obi-Wan seemed to be in good spirits. 

Obi-Wan took a few tentative steps into the living room. Cody was right behind him, which made the Jedi Master give him a look.

Padme and Anakin looked at each other. Obi-Wan sat down on the couch, and Cody sat next to him. He happily leaned against the Commander.   
  
  


Obi-Wan fell asleep almost instantly, he was so tired. Cody just smiled and covered his boyfriend up with a blanket. He needed his sleep.

“How is he?”, Anakin asked nervously.   
  


Cody rubbed Obi-Wan’s back gently considering the question a moment. 

“Doing as good as he can be, really. Some days are better than others. Today is an okay day. ”, Cody answered honestly.

The steroids make his moods unstable.But Ben seems less miserable, sleeping more, eating like a bottomless pit. With his pain and nausea under control, he ate better. Different chemo drugs do different things a person’s body. 

  
  


Obi-Wan definitely still had days when he was miserably ill. However, his overall day to day pain seemed to be under control for now. Comfort and relief were priorities at the moment.

“Poor guy. He looks so swollen.”, Anakin sighed.   
  
  


  
“Steroids make him puffy. Doc says not to worry too much.”

  
  
“How are you doing, Cody?”, Padme asked. 

Cody worried his hands for a moment. When was the last time someone asked how he was doing? He was awfully quiet thinking about his answer, eyeing Anakin shly.

”You know, it’s been a hard couple of weeks. I’m struggling a bit to keep upbeat and strong for him.”

”Oh, _Cody_. It wouldn’t be easy for anyone to see their partner in pain.”, Padme smoothed, squeezing his hand.   
  


He hadn’t expected the tears to fill his eyes. 

“Sorry, ma’m.”, he swallowed thickly. Being vulnerable like this made Cody anxious. It was hard to separate himself from dutiful Commander and doting boyfriend sometimes. 

Padme is Obi-Wan’s friend, Anakin’s spouse. They aren’t at work right now. They’re among friends who care for his partner dearly.   
  


“Nonsense. No apology needed.”

Cody sniffled, wiping his tears away discreetly. 

“Why don’t we fix a snack? You must be pecking.”

”Hospital food is the worst.”, Cody agreed. Except on Thursdays when a hot meal is sponsored by the patient support group. 

Cody sat at the table and let Padme care for him. It was nice to be able to let his guard down and be care for, something that didn’t happen often.

”I heard the Council is sending the 212th and 104th to Mandalore.”, Anakin cocked an eyebrow.

”It seems Mandalore is home to some of the galaxy’s finest hospitals.”, Cody shrugged. 

”And The _Duchess_ happens to be on Mandalore.”

“Well, actually, it was Senator _Amidala_ whoput the request before theSenate.”, Cody sipped his tea, making his best ‘but that’s none of my business face’.

”Satine is a friend.”, Padme also sipped her tea. Anakin groaned.   
  


“I hate when you both gang up on me.”

”At least you’re not Obi-Wan.”, Cody cackled.

”Have you two been conspiring?”, Anakin asked. 

”Well, more like the three of us.”, Palme smirked.   
  


“Who do you think manages Obi-Wan’s paperwork? I’ve got excellent at foraging his signature.”, Cody smiles.   
  


“Cody!”

”Look, someone has to keep that man from working too hard. From a _certain_ point, I’m doing us all a favor”

”You’ve been spending _too_ much time with Master.”

Cody chuckled, “Far too much time, General.”

”Hush. It’s just Anakin. We’re off duty. We’re practically family.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

Padme is a god-send, caring for Obi-Wan and Cody. She cooked a dinner of grilled chicken, pasta, and salad. Obi-Wan ate well, even asking for seconds. Anakin couldn’t remember a time he saw his Master eat so well.   
  


Cody hoped they could get some weight back on him. He had gotten so gaunt and angular. You wouldn’t know it with how swollen he is at the moment.   
  


“Thank you, Padme. Dinner was wonderful.”, Obi-Wan gave her one of extraordinary rare smiles. He didn’t smile nearly as much these days.   
  


“It was our pleasure. I hope you’ll join us more often.”, she smiled, squeezing Anakin’s hand.   
  


After dinner the couples required to their respective rooms, it was such a treat to sleep in the bed. Obi-Wan cling to Cody, seeking his warmth and comfort.

”Thank you, dear Cody.”, Obi-Wan smiled, kissing him tenderly.

”What for?”, Cody asked.   
  


“You take such good care of me.”

”It’s what partners do.”

“Marry me, for real this time.”, Obi-Wan whispered.   
  


“ _Ben_.”

”I mean it. Nothing in life is a guarantee. I want to spend every day with you, whether it’s one more week or forty years.”

”Yes, _Obi’ika_. I’d chose you every time.”, Cody shivered.

  
  


Cody and Obi-Wan pressed their foreheads together laughing. They dreamed big dreams of a life without war, without cancer. Obi-Wan learned there can be joy, even in infinite sadness 


End file.
